I really want to see some men with baby heads walking around though, preferably mowing the yard or shopping for alcoholic beverages. Hell, I just want to see it. Anybody up for the task?

via [beefandsage.com]

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This is pretty much the first 10 minutes of the movie:

I love the 80s

Nada, Pipper’s character, drifts, because that’s what drifters do.  He gets a job working construction, which is really just an excuse for him to take off his shirt to show his sweet pecs.  He then follows one of his fellow construction workers home, which turns out to be a shanty town left up from the great depression.  It’s a great way to save on rent from what I heard.

Then the shanty town gets demolished by the evil bad cops, and Pipper finds some awesome glasses.  Except these are the kind of awesome glasses that makes you hallucinate and see the hidden messages behind advertising.  Oh, and apparently half the population of L.A. are aliens, which is also revealed by these magical glasses.

Damn Commies.

 
Of course, he does what any normal person would do in this situation. That is, he kills some cops.

They were probably bad guys...

He then proceeds to the nearest bank, where he kills some more people.  Oh yeah, remember Duke Nukem? And that line, “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum”?  Yeah, that was totally from this movie.

After this point, he gets thrown out of a window by a woman, has a 6 minute long improv no-holds-bar fight with his construction buddy, and then joins a rebel group, where the chick that pushed him out of a window earlier also happens to shows up.  

All the while, the same 30 second spaghetti western background music loops, setting the mood for the movie.

It's easy, just hit up up down down left right left right B A!

In 80s action movie fashion, he shoots about ten thousand bullets from a machine gun in an attempt to escape from the aliens when they attack the rebel base.  He escapes with his construction buddy and conveniently ends up in the alien’s base.  The chick inconspicuously shows up there too.  On the way to blow up the tv antenna that conceals the aliens identities, *SPOILER ALERT* the chick turns on Pipper, but he shoots her in the chest and blows up the antenna, while at the same time getting gunned down from a helicopter.  Bummer.

On the plus side, he saved humanity from being unknowing slaves by revealing everybody that was an alien!  On the down side, they are probably just going to bomb the shit out of this planet and count their loses.

THE END.

If you want some more mspaint shenanigans, check out this in depth look at what drives the infected!

I got a new game, it’s about zombies and blood and guns! SWEET.

This is the logo.  If that doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what would.

He should probably get that looked at.

I started the game!  After waiting twenty minutes for the files to unlock.  Then I shot some zombies in the head!  BOOM! BLAM! AWESOME!  I even get to play with other people online!  Here is a picture of my new friend:

Francis helps me by giving me a round of buckshot.

He shot me.  I wasn’t even close to the zombies…Maybe he is not my friend after all?

Just a normal day in New York City.

I shot Francis back, that loser.  That will make him think twice before shooting me.  Then a smoker catches me, and then a man in a hoodie jumped me at the same time, and I died   I don’t smoke because smoking is gross.  I bet the man in a hoodie is part of a gang.  I learned about gangs at school.  I’ll bet Louis knows him.

Is Edward Norton getting royalties for this?

Then I got smashed by a big zombie, called a tank.  When I grow up, I want to be a tank, then nobody can pick on me!  I noticed they put my uncle in this game, he’s the one vomiting with no shirt on.  My uncle scares me.

My mom says I have to stop playing this game or I’ll wet the bed again.

I rate this game 5/5 BRAINS!!!

If you liked this article, check out this indepth look at what drives the infected!